Unblemished

a poem that explores the complex dialogue between past and present selves and between a mother’s memory and a daughter’s lived experience.

A mother tells her daughter- 
In my mind you remain locked in
Frozen age of seventeen. 
The younger woman weeps inside her heart
Memories swirl in whirlpool of dreams
Images which cause sleep to create night terrors. 
A boogeyman raises the eyelids, 
Turns breath into disturbed conversations.
If only the spiritual powers gave individuals, 
the chance to hit rewind once. 
Daughter considers returning to seventeen
The age before heartbreak, acne, 
autoimmune pressure and pre- diabetes. 
A period of belief, creative power, and athletic control. 
The blemishes arrived one by one 
Leaving scars on the psyche
Marks on the skin
Twisting emotions to distract the voice within. 
And sometimes the daughter escapes 
to the horses, her partners in emotional therapy. 
The creatures who find effort, heart, 
and intention matter more than epidural lines
Or pigment changes.
Daughter catches herself smiling as 
Mother begins to navigate a new chapter in life
Humanity calls retirement and wonders, 
Could I exist in the present moment, 
And protect my heart again 
If I went back in time and 
Called myself Unblemished? 

© Lexi Caine